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October 2009



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London, did you have to take my child away? You buried him under rent and low pay...

Holy crap, Batman. Long time no update. I always do this... -_-;

Well anyway, I have (tentatively) a whole month off because they're doing repairs at work. A lot of people are pissed off and are just gonna get another boring part-time job and leave. Which is good if the people who are leaving are assholes  people I don't have a lot in common with and don't particularly like despite (minimal) efforts to at least be pleasant and kind. BUT this is at the same time bad if those leaving are awesome and funny and great, especially when the only time I see them or talk to them is at work. It'll most likely be about 50-50. A 1:1 asshole:friend ratio.

Also, I KNOW there are a lot of non-mutual feelings floating around with people I know (including myself :3).  It SUCKS from both ends (feel free to laugh at the double-entendre). It sucks being the one who is liked by another person you don't particularly like back, at least not in the same way. I mean, I consider myself pretty easy-going, so unless someone makes it clear that they hate me first, I don't tend to hate people back. I'm everybody's friend until they give me a good reason not to be. But when someone else "likes" you (yes, I am using the very junior-high "he likes you, likes you") and you don't like them back...you can't help but feel kinda' shitty. And what's worse is when you have SO much in common right down to the way you think, what music you listen to, how you situate yourself politically, and even the way you argue, but you're just not attracted to them. If I was a guy, we'd be best friends. But I'm not, and I don't really want a "relationship" with him. And even if I changed my mind some time in the future, he's too strong-minded to take me back after the way I treated him, which probably wasn't very nice, even if I was trying to prevent even worse feelings in the future if we continued to get closer. It's like this: the main reason the Americans bombed Hiroshima and Nagasaki was to end the war and prevent further the loss of life in continued warfare. As long as the number of people killed in the bombings < the number of soldiers killed if the war had continued, it's all good, right? Clearly not that simple, given most of the people were civilians who had no part in the war, and the Americans got off with way less loss than they would've encountered. And we still wonder if it was even the right decision. I did more damage than I would have done in the future by trying to prevent future damage. Well FUCK damage. As I was saying before, it also sucks when you like someone so much, but he likes...a fifteen year-old. SRSLY? Yeah, that made me 'wat.' Irritating. But he's still pretty cool and I'd rather be his friend despite the attraction than get pissy and storm off to find a hotter guy in a futile attempt to make him jealous. Although...

I also find there's great power to be had (amidst all the confusion) in being bisexual. If only more girls (and guys) were bisexual. There are a lot of guys I wish I could put in their place by showing them that being macho, asshole-ish, and disrespectful of women is not  the way to get a girl. I'd give their girlfriends something they don't get from them - that feminine sort of care and attention, not to mention a romantic bubble bath. Hey, even for a not-so-feminine girl, I still know how the female mind operates. And then, with the guys, I'd laugh in their pitiful faces when their girlfriend would rather be with me. I also find myself more sexually frustrated with girls, simply because it's a lot harder to find a lesbian/bisexual/open-to-experimentation girl than it is to find a straight guy and still be attracted to her on top of that. Straight girls are pretty fucking cute.

And then there's the people who are just great friends. You just get each other. There's no weird bullshit. No drama. You'll sit at a coffee shop after getting stoned at 2 in the morning, talk about music 'til 3, then talk about your every aspiration, or just about a funny picture you saw on the internet. When all the other people your age are worried about buying booze for the weekend, you're at the playground climbing a tree, or throwing around a football, or seeing if you can still backflip off the swingset. And for a moment you feel like you did before life got so complicated...


it's a lot harder to find a lesbian/bisexual/open-to-experimentation girl than it is to find a straight guy and still be attracted to her on top of that

Something I've been pondering, now that I'm single again. Need to find a girl.. :P
ooh! ooh! *waves hand in the air* am i one of the great friends with whom trees were climbed and the football was thrown with?